tobermory's Diaryland Diary

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Spring Cleaning

Ugh, just had to take a break from housekeeping duties. This weekend has kind of been a bust. Friday was supposed to be my Me Night, but it turns out that Steve had imbibed a little over his limit on Thursday and had a not so wee hangover. Like a giant boob I locked my keys in the truck Friday at lunchtime, so I had to make him drive out to work to open up the truck for me. He was really ill looking and seemed quite pukey so I drove him home and we left the truck at work. He crashed on the couch as soon as we got home and I wound up watching High Fidelity on Bravo as the nightís entertainment. Saturday we couldnít quite agree on what to do so on the way back to pick up my Cherokee at work we stopped at Nordstrom Rack where we proceeded to spend way too much money. On the plus side, we did finally get weekend bags with wheelies. We picked up the Cherokee and convoyed to my parentís house where we watched a couple of episodes of Rockey and Bullwinkle before heading over to Harry and Eleanorís for dinner. Harry is my parents oldest friend and his second wife Eleanor is really nice and I enjoy going over to their house. They are both wine collectors and they really enjoy sharing and educating, and they totally feed my addiction for Beaux Freres which is a superb (but out of my price range) pinot noir. Today, Sunday, Megan and I had an archery meet (I shot a 225 Ė kinda sucky, I need a coach to get me over the hump) and then we went to a vegetarian soul restaurant on the South Side where I felt like a total honky. Then home to the aforementioned housekeeping.

Steve was apparently a bachelor for too long and isnít too active with the housekeeping duties. Iím no star either Ė I generally wait until the house totally disgusts me before I do anything more than vacuum. I really canít complain because Steve does the dishes almost all the time, but it would be nice if he would do a little more than dab at the crud on the counters. Today was The Day for a cleaning. All the exposed surfaces had gotten a little bit too funky for me and so, bring on the cleaning. Bo-ring. Ah well, it must be done and since Steve is out of the house all day I donít have the usually distractions. I hit the kitchen first Ė all countertops and the stovetop. Next, the bathroom which didnít look too bad on the surface, but when you consider that the cats like to sit on the sink and watch the humans do mundane things like brush their teeth you need to reconsider. Iím sure youíve heard that, ďcats are so clean, so meticulous!Ē Mmmmík. Those people obviously donít have cats. Sure on the outside they look clean, but look a little closer. At their asses. The asses that they so blithely plunk down on the side of the sink while they watch you. I canít really fault them for lack of ass-hygiene Ė I mean, would you want to lick your own ass? Didnít think so. Apparently the cats donít want to either (although for some inexplicable reason they do have a fascination with each otherís asses) and there are often small cling-ons that I imagine pretty much get smeared everywhere. I was watching one of those forensic cold case programs on Discovery and they were explaining the ultra-violet light that shows traces of icky things like feces, urine, blood and semen and I figure if they ever came to my house the whole place would fluoresce.

Speaking of semen, I recently had occasion to amend one of my earlier statements to my friend Alli. In college during a conversation about, um, oral gratification, I mentioned that if semen were a flavor she wasnít going to be seeing it added to the 31 Flavors anytime soon. My new update on that statement is that Kr1spy Kreme isnít going to be offering glazed semen filled doughnuts in the near future. Gotta keep the semen references current.

That seems to be enough talk about bodily fluids for one day, I think Iíll go finish the housekeeping Ė I still have to vacuum, dust the living room, and finish up the laundry and put away the clean clothes (easily my least favorite task). If I can get all this done maybe Iíll reward myself with one of the Netflix movies. Iíll talk to yíall tomorrow Ė gotta run because the FX Lucy channel is playing some old Ministry and itís motivating me to

C-L-E-A-N! Go Al Jourgensen, go!

4:43 p.m. - 2004-03-07

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