tobermory's Diaryland Diary

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the new plan

Mmm. Double update day Ė and I didnít think I had anything to write about! I decided yesterday that Iíd give one of those trendy lo-carb diets another spin. I did it last fall and I actually lost some weight but then I went to Prague and Germany Ė land of noodles, beer and bread. I fell off the wagon hard, but who can blame me? I should preface this by mentioning that I am not what one could really call fat or obese, but for me, Iím peaking at maximum density. Iím a size 10 Ė at Banana Republic. And we all know how much THAT counts in the real world of sizing. So, time has come for me to reduce. Iíll mention it here, but I think Iíll keep quiet about it otherwise. When you announce that youíre becoming part of the wacky lo-carb brigade you suddenly become the object of scrutiny. When you turn down a donut at work it suddenly goes from a non-event to people looking at you and asking, ďbut donít you really WANT the donut? You do, but you canít HAVE the donut. You can NEVER have a donut again.Ē People begin to inspect what you eat and tell you what you should and shouldnít eat. Iím looking at this as a jumpstart to a lower weight. If I can stick out the South Beach diet for 5-6 weeks or so, then I should hopefully be programmed to eat fewer carbs. Then, if I then switch to carefully monitoring what I eat for breakfast and lunch I can probably eat what I want for dinner Ė in moderation. I was once painfully thin. I say painfully because I was not the smartest bunny in the field in the way I went about it. Iíd even say I was borderline eating disorder-ish. I existed on Kix cereal, low-fat no sugar yogurt, low-fat peanut butter, rice cakes, Slim-Fast, and some fruits and veggies. I was no fun to be around, but boy did I look great. I weighed about 100 lbs. (if I weighed myself in the morning after peeing sometimes it was even 98 lbs.) and I could fit into a size 4. If I ever slipped up and ate something that actually tasted good I calculated how many calories it had and then figured out how long Iíd have to stay on the elliptical trainer to work it off. Or sometimes Iíd just puke it up. I weighed myself sometimes twice a day. I think these are textbook signs of an eating disorder. I never saw a doctor about it, I just started going out with Steve and when you have someone around a lot who eats like a normal person you just sort of fall out of your bad habits Ė or at least I did Ė and into other new bad habits like eating too much pizza and batcheloresque junk food. Ultimately, Iíd like to weigh what my driverís license says I do which is a do-able goal. If I ever go missing and they use the stats on my driverís license to find me Iím shit out of luck. Theyíd be looking for a thinner person and Iíd never get found. Plus I have to go in for my annual lady doctor exam in a couple of months and I donít want my doctor to poke my chub and make disappointed clucking noises. Anyway, I work out several times a week so that end of it is covered. If I can just manage what I put in my mouth I should do just fine.

Iíll weigh myself today on the scale here at work (if I can manage to do it while no-one is looking) and then Iíll weigh myself twice a week and post any losses or gains so you can be part of the fun too. Iím not telling my start or end weight because thatís my business, but Iíll mention if I go up or down from the start weight. This wonít become a diet journal by any stretch of the imagination but Iíll probably mention it now and again Ė just so you know. Feel free to skip that stuff it bores you and Iíll try to keep it to a minimum.

12:33 p.m. - 2004-04-22

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