tobermory's Diaryland Diary

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Still Sad

I dont want to go on and on about my mom, but this is truly awful. Im so thankful that my brother came up from El Paso for the week so that he can stay with my dad and keep him company and help him around the house a little bit. I know weve all heard the live each day like it might be your last mantra, but Id like to add (and Im sure this has been said somewhere too) that you should treat the time you have with each person that you love as if is precious, because it is. Time is running out for all of us.

No matter how this goes down (Im an optimistic person, but Im not religious and I dont believe in miracles) its going to be bad for my dad his whole life is going to be completely screwed up and I mean completely. In some ways I wish that I had just gotten a call that said hey your mother died last night she had a massive heart attack. It was like that (finger snap inserted). That would be awful, but not as awful as its going to get. I want her to die with dignity not with a bunch of tubes sticking out all over her. I dont know how Im going to handle it every time I see her Im a mess. I wish I could be strong but Im just a big crybaby at heart. I dont know how my mom stays as calm as she does she keeps telling me to stop being so daft (shes British yknow they say things like that) and thats its OK. But its not OK.

On to other things if I dwell on the situation Ill cry all day long again. The dog? Is driving me crazy. Dogs are OK I grew up with dogs, but somewhere in the interim I became a cat person. Cats enjoy it when you sleep late they encourage it. My cats have no need or interest in the great outdoors. The dog is a pain in the ass. Her digestive schedule is all screwed up so the night before last she shit all over the crate, so at 5am today I heard her tags jingle and bolted out of bed to take her outside. No poop, just pee. I feel like its Poopwatch 2006. Steve is being so nice about all this I know he really doesnt like dogs but hes being a sport and taking her out during the day and letting gher out of the crate while he eats lunch. Im so lucky to have found a truly nice guy who can roll with whatever life dishes out.

As if all the other crapola isnt enough, hellooo Lady Time now with extra cramps! And, because my mind is elsewhere, I have only my emergency feminine product and no Advil. Looks like Ill be taking a lunchtime trip to the drugstore.

With everything else thats been going on I forgot to mention that Steve and I went to see the latest play at the Goodman Theatre a Mary Zimmerman production of Pericles. It was unbelievably beautiful. Im not much of a Shakespeare aficionado (seeing the plays is at least better than reading them and having to translate English to English) but Mary Zimmerman managed to take one of the bards lesser works and through her staging, lighting, timing, scoring, propmaster, and costume designer, create a lush feast for the senses. Can you tell Im a fan? Robert, my old roomie, dated the costume designer way, way back in college. Im not entirely sure that they ended on great terms, but Im sending him an article from the Tribune about her anyway. I hear that the writer from Six Feet Under is premiering a play at a smaller local theatre near Chicago I think its called Grace (the play, not the theatre) and I think Ill try to arm-twist Steve into seeing it. Were both sort of eh on the theatre we had a subscription to the Goodman a few years back and we saw a couple of real clunkers. But, in defense of theatre we have seen some good stuff too some plays at Steppenwolf come to mind. But, we both enjoy Six Feet Under, so Id be willing to give this play a chance.

Resolution Diary:
Exercise yesterday: a couple of short walks with the dog and yes, more crying. I had to do a few things around my parents house last night for my dad so I didnt make it to the gym. I think stress must make you tired because I can barely keep my eyes open past 10pm Im hoping that it burns calories too.
Dinner yesterday: meat ravioli with vodka sauce, a slice of bread, salad a glass of red wine and a couple of lemon cookies for dessert. Steve had to run out to an appliance store yesterday to get a part to fix our washer and he stopped at the rootie-tootie fresh pasta place and picked up enough stuff for us to be eating Italian most of the week.
Breakfast: coffee w/milk, small can of V8.
Lunch: lite yogurt no appetite.
Reading: I finished Hissy Fit it was cute. Im reading one of the Cat Who mysteries by Lilian Jackson Braun it sucks beyond belief. Maybe the earlier books were better (Im reading the 25th in the series) and shes coasting on her past success, but P-U it stinks. Why am I bothering with it, you ask? Steves Great Auntie Jane lent it to me because she knows I like both mystery novels and cats. I want to give it a chance and at least be able to tell her truthfully that I did read it, but Im afraid if I white lie and say I loved it that the other 24 books will come tumbling my way. I did order the new Carol Goodman book that came out today from Amazon along with two other books to make it up to the free shipping level and hopefully those will come soon.

1:52 p.m. - 2006-01-31

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