tobermory's Diaryland Diary

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feeling blah

My mom was moved back to the hospital today – she’s having trouble breathing. They had put her on oxygen at the care facility but apparently it wasn’t enough. I’m starting to dread every time my cell phone rings. I’m also starting to have awful thoughts that it might be easier for her if it would just all be over. I know my mom doesn’t like the care facility – it may be a top-notch place with nice rooms and caring staff, but it’s not her home – and she doesn’t like the constant poking and prodding from the doctors. She herself has said she’s not afraid to die and maybe that’s the kindest thing to let her do while she still has a shred of dignity. Her sister is coming in from England next week and it would be nice for them to see each other one more time, but after that – honestly – the faster the better. Why is it that we can euthanize our beloved pets when their quality of life deteriorates but we make people live a diminished existence?

Steve is going in for his gum surgery today and he’s absolutely dreading it. I think today they are doing the right side and then in a month or so they’ll do the left side. Ouch. They won’t even knock him out – he’ll only get juiced up with novocain. Instead of going to the gym tonight like I probably should, I’m going to see if I can visit my mom at the hospital, zip to the polls to vote, and come home to make some jell-o and pudding for Steve. I told him that, in solidarity, I’d go on the soft food/no alcohol diet with him for as long as he needs to be on it – it would just be cruel of me to eat a slice of pizza or grill a burger when he’s limited to mushy foods. Maybe if I’m feeling really nice I’ll bring him a milkshake from the diner near the polling place.

I’m going to see Bizet’s ‘Carmen’ tomorrow afternoon with my dad. Originally we had bought 4 tickets back in the fall so that my mom, dad, Steve and I could all go together – obviously my mom isn’t able to go, and I swear Steve scheduled his gum surgery for today so that he’d have an excuse not to go to the opera (he’s not so much a fan). Because the tickets are very expensive ($165 each) my dad didn’t want to just flush the 2 that we’re not using. We asked some friends, but no-one was able to make a 2pm show. So, we turned them over to a ticket-brokering friend and we actually made a little money on the transaction. They went from our friend to a ticket broker in New York who then sold them to a couple who live in the same small town as my dad – bizarre coincidence. Too bad we don’t know who they are or I’d call them and see if they want to carpool.

Resolution Diary:
Sorry – no weekend update because I can’t remember what I ate over the weekend. I can usually hang onto the information until Monday, but if I don’t get it down right away it slips away. I know I had pizza on Friday night, Shanghai noodles on Saturday night, and grouper on Sunday, but the rest is a little fuzzy – especially what I ate during the day. I don’t think I ate anything particularly ‘bad’ though.
Dinner yesterday: chicken breast, artichoke, rice pilaf, small salad, a small cupcake.
Breakfast: honey Greek yogurt.
Lunch: leftover pasta and a fruit cup
Snack: not necessary
Reading: I started up ‘The Cliffs of Despair’ again and it has actually picked up a bit. I should be finished with it tonight.

1:12 p.m. - 2006-03-21

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