tobermory's Diaryland Diary

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I love you guys.....

Ugh Ė what a day. I knew deep inside when I stayed home from work on Thursday and Friday that I was just postponing the inevitable. Today was a major cryfest. I was doing so well over the weekend that I thought Iíd be OK, but as each of my co-workers came up to me I started to blub all over again. Because I work at a family business Ė my familyís business in fact Ė many of my co-workers know my mom from company functions and parties so their condolences were more personal. I also got a few e-mails from close friends and some phone calls as well Ė I cried so much I practically dehydrated myself. Last night was tough too because I told Alli. I had held off telling her because she and Mike were headed to Vegas on Thursday and not that I think Iím the center of the universe, but I didnít want Alli to be sad Ė for me or for my mom Ė on her trip. This was the trip that Steve and I were supposed to go on, but luckily the plane fares were too high because of the Final F0ur. How shitty would that have been? I know my dad and he would have told me to go and (try to) enjoy myself but I would have been like a great black cloud over Vegas.

In addition to blubbing all day long I had to try to arrange a schedule for my Aunt Pam and cousin Lorraine who are coming over on Tuesday. My brother from Texas is coming up on Thursday with his family so I had to try to fill the time that hasnít already been scheduled with 2 dinners out (one with 12 people, the other with 10) divide their time equally between me and my siblings and my dad so that they would be able to get out and enjoy Chicago while they are here. I also had to make arrangements with my sister-in-law to schedule some time so she could help me go through my momís things to pack up for distribution/donation (my dad is determined to not be one of those creepy people who keeps their spouseís possessions exactly as they were while she was alive). I was going to go to the gym, but since I didnít have time for lunch and I had a splitting headache by the end of the day I figured Iíd just go home, which is where I am now.

The one bright spot today? I came home and my friends from the Green Bay mini-con had sent me a lovely bouquet of orchids Ė just the burst of beauty and color and freshness that I so very much needed. I am so deeply touched by every one of my cyber-friends (man that sounds 90ís) who has reached out and sent me an e-mail or a diary note. I canít even tell you how much the thoughts, prayers, advice and well wishes have helped me over the past two months and especially these last couple of days. It really is a community out there.

I figure Iíll let myself do what I need to do for the rest of the week and then Iíll start back in on the Resolution Diary a week from today. I thought Iíd loathe keeping it, but I actually enjoy the formula of keeping track of what I eat/do/read. Plus it keeps me coming back five days a week because if I go too long I start to forget what Iíve put in my mouth and we canít have that, can we? I havenít been eating too much, but I havenít been going to the gym either. I am reading a book Ė The Secret History of the Pink Carnation, by Lauren Willig Ė itís a cute, diversionary send up of a romance novel loosely based on the historical spies The Scarlet Pimpernel and the Purple Gentian. I also watched A History of Violence (required MUCH suspension of disbelief, but Viggo Mortensen looked pretty good), and The Constant Gardener, which I loved - that Ralph Fiennes sure does the romantic leads like a champ.

Time to go Ė Iím going to make a grilled cheddar sandwich and plunk down in front of My Window To The World (the tv) and try to find something mindless and cheery.

6:36 p.m. - 2006-03-27

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