tobermory's Diaryland Diary

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haze

I would make the shittiest drug addict, or conversely, maybe I�d make a great drug addict because it takes so little to get me jaked. Yesterday was, in a word, a bad day (today seems to be going much, much better � in case you�re wondering). I started to have some anxiety issues in the morning (because, you know, that pain in my right shoulder? It must be the cancer.) and to stave off a full blown panic attack I took a .5mg Lorazepam. About 3 hours later it didn�t seem to have done much to calm me down so I popped another and whoo-ee did I ever get loopy. I managed to somehow drive home (although truthfully I don�t really remember much about the drive) and go to dinner with Allison where I had an ill advised beer (I think I bent her ear about my mental state and she sympathized � thankfully she drove) and then I came home and basically passed out on the couch watching tivo-ed reruns of Without a Trace. Steve had a late-night soccer game and wasn�t home when I woke up on the couch extremely disoriented at 11:40. I�m not normally one to look forward to doctor appointments but I can�t wait for my two next week. I am tired of feeling not normal � all bunchy feeling and twitchy when I don�t take the drugs and zonked out when I do. At least I manage to look/sound like I have my shit together which I think may be one of the problems. I�d probably get my doctor�s attention a little more if I has some sort of psychotic episode in her office, but I think the kind of attention I�d get would be more like the two guys in white coats and straightjacket kind than the, �oh honey, I agree � let�s do a chest x-ray, a stress test, and a full body scan� kind.

In other news, much to Steve�s delight, I got a jury duty summons. Since I�ve known him he�s been called three times to my zero times. I guess I was due. Bleh. I�m only standby and it�s at the Daley Center as opposed to the scary south side 26th & California location, so I guess it�s not too bad. However, this might be the push/excuse I need to buy a video iPod. The last time I had jury duty (about 12 years ago) there were two choices while you waited to see if you were called to a panel � the quiet side of the waiting room for readers and the tv side where the tv was tuned to Oprah and then the Springer show. No thanks. I love reading, but if you don�t get picked for a jury panel you�re likely stuck in that room for about 7 hours and there�s only so much reading I can do before my eyes go all buggy. I�m not sure if squinting at the teeny video iPod screen would be much better, but at least it would be different. Plus I have a $50 Apple store gift certificate from the class action settlement about the lousy batteries in the first generation iPods and it�s burning a hole in my pocket. In reading the juror instructions, I�m a little concerned that they mention that I should have change available for the vending machines. This says to me that we do not get excused for lunch. I suppose that if they did that the vast majority of the jury pool just wouldn�t return so they have to keep us corralled. There�s also a notation about how if I have special dietary restrictions I can contact Jury Administration � I wonder what would happen if I told them I kept Kosher. Would they provide me with a limp Hebrew National (slogan: We answer to a higher power) hot dog? It might be worth trying but I think when I show up in all my blonde waspy glory they might get suspicious and start quizzing me on the Torah. I just don�t remember enough from watching the Magic Door as a child to pull me through a pop quiz on Judaism 101.

That�s it for today � I�m going to make a valiant attempt to go to the gym today and log my time on the elliptical trainer. I have to remember to try to show up on the hour so I can watch a rerun of Law and Order from the beginning because all the songs on my iPod bore me and I�m too lazy to import new ones.

2:27 p.m. - 2006-10-05

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