tobermory's Diaryland Diary

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Days and days

October 12
I saw my regular doctor today and I�m now part of the �Pr0zak Nation� although she didn�t give me Pr0zak � I got something called Cymba1ta instead. I also have high blood pressure and my cholesterol is still shitty, oh joy. She gave me drugs for the bp and told me to keep watching my diet (I think the cholesterol #�s went down a wee bit from last time). She gave me 28 day samples of both of the drugs (no wonder there�s a parade of drug reps in and out of that office) so at least I don�t have to cough up any co-pays or costs for the next month. Then I have to see her on the 28th day and she�ll check me again and re-evaluate my stats and meds. The only good news is that I lost 9 lbs. from my last visit � hooray! I�m going to spend my lunchtime on WedMD researching Cymba1ta to see what to expect � I already know that I�m going to have an upset stomach for the first 4 days or so, but I think it�s worth it if I get to be me again because the alternative sucks.

October 13
Ok, reporting here from Day 1 of being �not depressed,� and so far it�s going great. I was pretty wiped out this morning and I�m still yawning a bit, but my concentration and focus is much better and the majority of my (not real) aches and pains seem to have gone away � I�m actually able to hold a conversation or read something and PAY ATTENTION to it instead of just nodding my head and thinking, �that ache�. Was it there yesterday? Is it new? It IT spreading? Am I dying? I am so totally dying.� I�ve got to say that was a giant buzzkill. It was a bigger buzzkill at home where the filter was off and I�d just blurt out those thoughts. That Steve, he�s a lucky man. I also seem to have some loss of appetite and this morning I felt a little urpy. This isn�t the worst thing in the world to happen to me since my portion control could use some work anyway.

October 16
This should have been Day 4 of being �not depressed�, but the Cymba1ta caused me to have an allergic reaction where it felt as though I had swallowed either a toothpick or a poorly chewed, pointy tortilla chip. Ouch, and even more than ouchie, not so great for a person who gets all hypochondriacally worked up about minor pains and aches. It�s too bad really, because the rest of the effects were great. So today I took some L0razepam and I�m feeling ok. I called the doc and now I get to try Z0loft (I love how all these anxiety and depression meds have letters that can be replaced by numbers). Keep your fingers crossed for me � I�m going on vacation for three days up to the Wisconsin retreat and it would kind of suck if this doesn�t work and I�m up there and manage to work myself into a lather. You better believe me that I�m bringing some backup drugs � right now being who knows how many miles from a hospital or 24 hour clinic is enough to freak me out without even having any symptoms. Note to self � buy some benedryl just in case I have a bad reaction. I�m hoping that some time away spent relaxing will do me some good.

3:46 p.m. - 2006-10-16

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