tobermory's Diaryland Diary

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It's a very Bad Bar.

It was a weekend of scandal, drunken debauchery, naughty kisses and purple Hot Nancy’s.

Let me explain. Perhaps a recap?

Tam and I drove to Green Bay on Thursday after work. Except for a $300+ dollar (mostly from two pairs of work appropriate pants and a cashmere sweater at Off 5th) stop at the Gurnee Mills outlet mall and a bit of iciness on the way the drive was rather uneventful. We checked into the always lovely St. Brendan’s and were fast asleep by midnight.

Friday we woke up early-ish and had omelets and coffee to fortify us for the day ahead. On our way out the door we bumped in to Weet, Mo and The Jason who were setting up the welcome booth for the ‘con. After some pleasantries Tam and I were off to the Escape Day Spa where we each had a facial and a massage booked. Personally, I don’t know why I don’t just knuckle under and book a monthly facial – my skin looks about fifty times better after I’ve had one. I suppose it’s the (in Chicago) $100 price tag which, when added to my hair color bill, would make me one very expensive person. I need to find someplace down here who will give me a basic facial for around $60. Anyway – back to GB. We left the spa oiled up, relaxed and with squeaky clean pores and headed over to the other end of the spectrum – the St. Vincent de Paul thrift store. I was hoping to stumble upon a stash of mid-century modern furniture (yes, I know it’s a pipe dream) but it was not to be so. I did score an adult sized (as opposed to the tiny little grade-schooler sized ones) school chair/desk combo for $5 that will look nice in the schoolhouse. We hustled back to the hotel to tart ourselves up for the group dinner and subsequent outing to the Bad Bar. I went pretty conservative – a long-sleeved semi-sheer black top with a scoop neckline over a black tank, jeans and my trusty black clogs – they may be on the clunky side but they give me about 3 inches of height and I can wear them all night with nary a single regret. At Victoria’s I followed the $10 Dining Rule (Rule: always consume at least $10 worth of food before a night of drinking at the Bad Bar) and polished off a salad and about 2/3 of my lasagna. Little did I know it would be to no avail. I arrived at the Bad Bar and waited about a full half hour before having a drink – this was the last bit of restraint I was to use all evening. I know I had two seabreezes (vodka & cranberry) and then I made the mistake of having a sip of The Jason’s drink.

Me: “Mmmmmm! That’s tasty! What is it?”
The Jason: “I dunno – Hot Nancy made it up for me.”
Me: “I’m going to go get one – I think we should call it a Hot Nancy!”

I think I went on to have about four or five Hot Nancy’s. I’m a little fuzzy on this and many other details of the night. I did watch the first time when Hot Nancy was mixing the drink. Like all beverages at the Bad Bar it came in a large plastic tumbler. She filled it with ice and then added a third of a glass of what I assume was Blue Curacao and then another third of something red topped off by a final third of soda water. Presto – wild abandon in a glass. I remember unbuttoning boy’s shirts and doing a little dirty dancing (OK, a lot – I hope Eric respected me in the morning) but then it all gets a little hazy. At sometime around midnight I remember finding Tam and indicating that we had to go back to the hotel because I was both pooped and bombed but apparently our ride, Scotty Boom Boom, had another more pressing errand – he had to take some other ‘con attendees to purchase prophylactics (scandal!). Weet gallantly stepped in but then tragedy struck. I was in the back of her car on the passenger side behind Jake and I remember that the car was all iced up and Weet was using the window washers to try to clear the windshield. Jake was proudly discussing how he was the winner of the What Time Will Jake Puke? pool because he hadn’t puked at all. Then I remember thinking that if only we could start moving I’d be OK and then I puked. I think (hope) it was just a little puke received mostly by my coat and then I quickly popped open the car door and had a bigger puke out the side of the car. I also remember trying to get the puke droplets off of the back of Weet’s car seat with my purse (disposed of in shame in the women’s room at the St. Brendan’s). Then – it’s all a big black hole. Tam tells me that my room key wouldn’t work because I had it next to my cell phone but apparently I valiantly tried for a few minutes to MAKE it work. I know I puked many, many more times (in the appropriate place) and then brushed my teeth (because I’m all about the dental hygiene even when completely shit faced) and passed out in bed. I have made amends with Weet’s car in the form of a gift certificate from a local car detailing place – hopefully it will take care of any lingering problems that might be there.

As usual, on Saturday I was fresh as a daisy. I had two Advils and a lot of water, but honestly I felt fine. Although it’s unpleasant to puke the night of, it sure makes me feel better in the morning. Weet had a fantastic day trip planned with stops for lunch, a cheese factory, two wineries, and a frozen custard stand. The first stop was the most important: Joe Rouer’s for some restorative grease. The fries and 1 ½ cheeseburgers I had went a long way towards making me feel completely human again. The trip was great – I bought cherry wine, mulled Christmas wine, and Icewein, honey, string cheese and chopped cherry jam among other things. I am an enthusiastic supporter of local commerce. The best part is that Mo found a name-charm for me that says Poppy! Unbelievable that out of the hundred or so names they would actually have a Poppy charm – I am thrilled and I’m wearing it now. On the bus trip home we played a rousing round of DVD Trivial Pursuit and as I expected my team, Left Sayid, won and we were rewarded with Drink, Bitch magnets and the poor Starboards got nothing.

After the Door County day trip we had about an hour to have a quick relax and bundle up for the evening’s sleigh ride. I was sorely disappointed that John the Hot Cowboy was not the driver of either of our group’s sleighs, but I did have a John sighting. He has the finest ass in Green Bay. I may be married, but I’m certainly not dead. This was the best sleigh ride ever – the freshly fallen snow was almost pristine and the night was clear and crisp. The Ward and June sponsored post sleigh ride Booyah dinner was fantastic as usual. There’s nothing like a steaming bowl of Booyah to warm you from your head to your toes. Tam and I opted out of the karaoke outing and had scary movie night. I’m sad that we missed out on the catfight at the karaoke bar – apparently two women got into it over who had the better boob job. How excellent is that?

Sunday there was a fine group breakfast at the hotel, I bought another two pairs of cool glasses from Mare, I hugged and apologized to Weet for transgressions against her automobile and we were on our way home. Another successful Green Bay weekend and only about 361 days left to prepare for the next one.

Note: I’m trying to shed some pounds so I’m going to go back to what works – a combo of heavy gym work and keeping track of everything that goes into my mouth.

Dinner last night: Pad Woon Sen-Vegetable, 1 crab Rangoon, 1 chicken satay (plain – no sauce), 1 beer, two frosted sugar cookies (I’m not sure whose swag those were but if you read this – I need your frosting recipe).

Breakfast: Banana, coffee with 2% milk

Lunch: Large garbage salad (spinach, romaine, cauliflower, red cabbage, sunflower seeds, hearts of palm, baby corn, a scoop of shredded cheese) with Thai sesame dressing, and two ‘Thanks A lot’ Girl Scout cookies. Damn those Girl Scouts.

3:52 p.m. - 2007-03-06

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