tobermory's Diaryland Diary


Valvewiches anyone?

I thought of a funny story while I was waiting in the deli line at the supermarket last night. Being of German extraction, I have a proclivity to be willing to eat strange sandwich loafs and liverwurst-y things. Most people wisely give them a wide berth, but I belly right up to the counter and say, ‘A half-pound of braunschweiger please!’ This has not served me well. Some time back I made the mistake of ordering some sort of olive loaf that looked fantastic. To me. But as it obviously didn’t look too hot to the rest of the sandwich meat buying public it had probably been sitting around in the deli case a bit past its prime. The fact that there was only about 2” of olive loaf should have been a tip-off, but I soldiered bravely on and within 24 hours of eating the loafy goodness I was puking my guts out with a mild case of food poisoning. But the real funny story happened when Steve and I visited New York in January. On our last day our host (and my old room-mate) Rob suggested we lunch at the café at the new German museum. He said that they had a fancy chef imported from Austria and the restaurant was getting all the raves. So Steve and I tripped merrily into the dining room and were seated amongst the splendor of some long dead wealthy person’s old drawing room. Steve wasn’t too hungry so he ordered a pastry and coffee. I was famished and was thrilled to see a liverwurst sandwich on the menu, which I promptly ordered. It came open-faced on rye bread and it looked great. I took a bite and it was fantastic – obviously homemade. Then on bite two I got something that was a little rubbery. In my younger days that would have thrust me straight into vomitsville, but I’m older now and more mature so I continued eating and the rest of it was good although the enjoyment was tainted by the rubbery thing. But I figured that lightening wouldn’t strike twice in one place – I had already bit down on the rubbery thing and it couldn’t happen twice now, could it? It did. On the last bite (actually, there were about three bites left, but I wasn’t going to tempt fate again) I bit into something qross. I’m quite sure it was some sort of valve or vascular thingy. Yeah, I know, cry me a river – this is what happens to those who eat organ-meat sandwiches. But most liverwurst sandwiches are very paste-like due to what must be intense grinding – just not the valvewich I was just subjected to. Obviously this chef’s vision was very textural. I tell you it was all I could do to not retch at the table. There was not enough gum in the world to eradicate the valvey feeling and taste left in my mouth. Yick. I’ll be staying far, far away from the organ-meat lunchables for some time now. Bad things come in three and I’m not going to put myself in the position for strike three.

Just a shortie today, I have to go mentally prepare to further my archery suckiness with another round in the 600 league which I just may begin calling the 666 league.

4:08 p.m. - 2004-04-06


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