tobermory's Diaryland Diary

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the new plan

Mmm. Double update day � and I didn�t think I had anything to write about! I decided yesterday that I�d give one of those trendy lo-carb diets another spin. I did it last fall and I actually lost some weight but then I went to Prague and Germany � land of noodles, beer and bread. I fell off the wagon hard, but who can blame me? I should preface this by mentioning that I am not what one could really call fat or obese, but for me, I�m peaking at maximum density. I�m a size 10 � at Banana Republic. And we all know how much THAT counts in the real world of sizing. So, time has come for me to reduce. I�ll mention it here, but I think I�ll keep quiet about it otherwise. When you announce that you�re becoming part of the wacky lo-carb brigade you suddenly become the object of scrutiny. When you turn down a donut at work it suddenly goes from a non-event to people looking at you and asking, �but don�t you really WANT the donut? You do, but you can�t HAVE the donut. You can NEVER have a donut again.� People begin to inspect what you eat and tell you what you should and shouldn�t eat. I�m looking at this as a jumpstart to a lower weight. If I can stick out the South Beach diet for 5-6 weeks or so, then I should hopefully be programmed to eat fewer carbs. Then, if I then switch to carefully monitoring what I eat for breakfast and lunch I can probably eat what I want for dinner � in moderation. I was once painfully thin. I say painfully because I was not the smartest bunny in the field in the way I went about it. I�d even say I was borderline eating disorder-ish. I existed on Kix cereal, low-fat no sugar yogurt, low-fat peanut butter, rice cakes, Slim-Fast, and some fruits and veggies. I was no fun to be around, but boy did I look great. I weighed about 100 lbs. (if I weighed myself in the morning after peeing sometimes it was even 98 lbs.) and I could fit into a size 4. If I ever slipped up and ate something that actually tasted good I calculated how many calories it had and then figured out how long I�d have to stay on the elliptical trainer to work it off. Or sometimes I�d just puke it up. I weighed myself sometimes twice a day. I think these are textbook signs of an eating disorder. I never saw a doctor about it, I just started going out with Steve and when you have someone around a lot who eats like a normal person you just sort of fall out of your bad habits � or at least I did � and into other new bad habits like eating too much pizza and batcheloresque junk food. Ultimately, I�d like to weigh what my driver�s license says I do which is a do-able goal. If I ever go missing and they use the stats on my driver�s license to find me I�m shit out of luck. They�d be looking for a thinner person and I�d never get found. Plus I have to go in for my annual lady doctor exam in a couple of months and I don�t want my doctor to poke my chub and make disappointed clucking noises. Anyway, I work out several times a week so that end of it is covered. If I can just manage what I put in my mouth I should do just fine.

I�ll weigh myself today on the scale here at work (if I can manage to do it while no-one is looking) and then I�ll weigh myself twice a week and post any losses or gains so you can be part of the fun too. I�m not telling my start or end weight because that�s my business, but I�ll mention if I go up or down from the start weight. This won�t become a diet journal by any stretch of the imagination but I�ll probably mention it now and again � just so you know. Feel free to skip that stuff it bores you and I�ll try to keep it to a minimum.

12:33 p.m. - 2004-04-22

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