tobermory's Diaryland Diary



My life is now centered around cat pee. It’s peelicious. However, I think I’ve found the source of the problem. The bathroom toilet is your standard two-piece job – a tank on top of a bowl connected by some bolts. When Toby decided to pee on top of the toilet, pee seeped between the tank and bowl. I have tried squirting water, detergents, air freshener – you name it – into the crack. Repeatedly. Last night I wrapped paper towels around a putty knife to shove into the cracks to get rid of the evil pee smell. No dice. It smells less like pee in the bathroom, but it still definitely has a whiffy pee like odor. That is if you can get past the ‘Fresh Linen’ Glade Plug-In scent which will now forever be enmeshed in my mind with pee smell. It’s like a cat peed in a Laundromat. If you’re crazy like me and stick your nose right up to the crack in the toilet, it smells even more like pee. Go figure. However, Super Steve has stepped in to save the day. No, he refuses to take apart the toilet so I can clean it for real. He has gone one better. Steve is a pack rat and saves everything that might possibly be of use to him from any job that he does. We have more nuts, bolts, bits of wire, odd pieces of drywall and plywood than one could possible know what to do with. Lucky for us we have two stories of house that due to previously explained circumstances we are not able to live in or work on that provide perfect pack rat storage. Anyway, as I was frantically but ineffectively cleaning last night he said, “Would a one piece toilet help?” I said that would be perfect – how much would one cost (cost is almost no object – between the vet visit, multiple miracle cleaners, the Feliway Plug-ins, the air fresheners, and the countless hours spent scrubbing I have already dropped more time and money into this little endeavor than I care to admit)? “Well, I have one upstairs from the last job I did so all I’d have to do is put it in.” Folks, it was like the heavens opened up and a chorus of kitty angels sang. I don’t want to pin all my hopes on this, but if I can get the stanky toilet out (and you may recall from a previous post that I hate this toilet anyway due to the weak flush) and remove ALL THE PEE SCENT, then perhaps Toby’s teeny little brain will forget all about peeing in there because his bladder infection is cured and the scent impetus will be gone. And even if he did pee on the new toilet (y’know – for old times sake because he’s a little fucker) there would be no unreachable crevice for pee to seep into. Whee! And Steve even said he’ll do it over the weekend. I think Steve sees it as the only way to get the old Paula back. Since the onslaught of pee, it’s been pretty much the only thing I can think and talk about. I am constantly asking if things smell like pee, following Toby around to see if he pees (I never caught the little bugger in the act – he always peed in the box when we were around and awake), checking the house for any new area that he might have peed (luckily he seemed to fixate on the toilet) and spraying disinfectant or air freshener around. I am the Febreeze poster girl. The crazy Febreeze poster girl. But once this is solved I can go back to carefree Paula. The Paula who has time to do things. Fun things. Like, oh, I dunno. Have sex maybe? New toilet = sane Paula = happy Steve. Yay. There’s still a chance that Toby’s little pistachio nut sized brain will misfire when I finally allow him the run of the house and quit tarping up anything upholstered but I’m keeping my fingers crossed. I’ll stop now because I can sense that y’all are starting to roll your eyes at the fact that I can go on for 700 words about cat pee and you wish I’d move on to something that might be of interest. One last thing. Nature’s Miracle? Hardly. It totally doesn’t get the smell out. If that’s what qualifies as a miracle these days then we’re all up for sainthood. That’s all I can squeeze out now – I have to go check for pee.

3:01 p.m. - 2004-06-09


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