tobermory's Diaryland Diary

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Numb3rs

I tried to measure myself last night, I really did. But, since we don�t have a dressmaker�s soft tape measure I was trying to use string and then holding it up to a retractable carpenter�s tape measure. It could be that the results were accurate and I just didn�t like the numbers, but they seemed way, way too big. So, I�m holding out until I can stop somewhere with a notions department (are there still places with notions departments that aren�t fabric stores?) and pick up a cheap dressmaker�s tape measure. I suppose I could just bite the bullet and weigh myself. Our scale at home is buried in the spare bedroom (really a glorified closet for Steve since I need all of the closet in our bedroom), but I could try to find a time when no-one is in the receiving department at work and step onto the carefully calibrated floor scale and just deduct 5 lbs. for clothing. That�s probably the best plan. I�d like to think that I�m losing weight � I�m wearing a pair of 9 West knee-high boots today and when I last wore them two weeks ago I could get the zipper up, but it was a struggle. Now they feel comfortable instead of constricting. Yes, the leather could have stretche, but let�s not think that way. There was a time when I didn�t have to wait to be alone to step on the receiving scale, but that was also the time that I had been eating nothing but Dexatrim, Slimfast shakes, rice cakes and low-fat peanut butter, Kix cereal, and the occasional piece of fruit to stave off scurvy. I would carefully figure out how many calories I had consumed and stay on an eliptical trainer until the number of calories burned equaled the number consumed. If I had to eat a real meal I would purge it. I weighed 100 lbs or less on a �good� day � and that was with clothes on. People told me how great I looked, men chatted me up in bars, and my personal trainer told me that I had the same body fat percentage as elite women athletes. In reality my brain felt like it was always buzzing even though I was tired all the time, and a two-pound weight gain would send me to the gym for an entire Saturday. This is why I�m reluctant to get on a scale � I am easily swayed by the power of numbers and I have to be careful that I don�t fall into that same trap again. I�d like to take off the extra weight safely, lower my cholesterol, and get into better eating habits that could last a lifetime.

Resolution Diary:
Exercise yesterday: 1 hour pilates class.
Dinner yesterday: leftover homemade pizza, a salad (I bought some fantastic Light Balsamic dressing), a small dish of ice cream and some animal cookies for dessert. My salads are usually one of the kinds from the bag like the Spring Mix or the Riviera Mix with some other things tossed in for interest: carrots, hearts of palm, mushrooms, olives, tomatoes. I let Steve dress the salad because when I do it there�s a pool of dressing at the bottom of the bowl and that�s just wasteful.
Breakfast: coffee w/ milk, small can of V8, lite yogurt with a few blackberries tossed in.
Lunch: 1 packet tuna, 6 ryecrisps, an apple. I feel the need to explain the switch from 4 to 6 ryecrisps. When I was eating 4 they were Wasa brand and much bigger. I couldn�t find them at the market when I restocked and bought the regular old Ryecrisp brand instead. They�re markedly smaller so I need 6 to make it through the 3 oz. packet of tuna.
Snack: an orange, handful of pecans.
Reading: Finished The Book of Dead Birds. Eh. It was OK � at least it was a quick read.

1:20 p.m. - 2006-01-18

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