tobermory's Diaryland Diary


The Big C

Ok, here’s the e-mail I sent out to a few of my friends yesterday:

Hi Everyone -

I'm so sorry for the group e-mail on this - it seems sort of impersonal, but this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and this just makes it easier for me. Last Friday my mom was diagnosed with cancer - she's being admitted to Evanston Hospital today. I've talked to some of you since then and basically kept a brave face, but I can't keep it up any longer. This came on very, very suddenly and we still don't know much about it yet - like what kind it is, how far it has progressed, if and how it's treatable and if and when she might come home again. She's in a great deal of pain and they're hoping that they can manage the pain better at the hospital. My dad is a complete mess - as you all know, he is very old school and pretty much incapable of running a household, so I'm trying to get him set up with a housekeeper and teach him how to do a few things around the house. Steve and I will be taking Matty, my mom's dog, for now - we'll see how my cats react. I'm pretty much of a mess too - I feel lucky that my desk is fairly isolated at work because I've pretty much been crying all the time. Please, don't call me - I'll just get choked up and be a blubbering mess. When I'm ready I'll be in touch.

So, that’s what’s going on. I am grateful and comforted by the support that my friends have given me. Now, if I may be flippant (and I’m told that keeping a sense of humor helps in almost all stressful situations), this may be the best diet plan ever because my appetite? None. Now if only I can figure out the calories burned per hour for quietly crying vs. outright sobbing.

I stopped by my parent’s house and picked up the dog last night. Thank god Matty is the way she is. Granted it was probably a really shitty previous situation (previous to my mom that is – Matty was the princess at my parent’s house) that made her into the non-dog that she is, but whatever, it’s helping out now. She has zero interest in the cats – could totally care less. The cats have a mixture of confusion, some fear, and cautious curiosity – I predict they’ll be ignoring her within a week. Thankfully she’s small, shed-free, housebroken, doesn’t jump, lick or drool, doesn’t like to go on walks, has never, ever barked that we know of, and she’s pretty old so she doesn’t move around too fast – basically a mobile stuffed animal that needs to be fed and taken out a few times a day. She’s not too keen on the crate that I’m using to put her in at night and when we’re not around, but it’s a nice big one and I gave her a couple of fluffy towels to use as a bed. I have to use it because she eats special food and if she gets into the cat food she’ll get Eukanuba’s Revenge or whatever the canine version of diarrhea is. Also, I imagine her system is going to be pretty jazzed up until she settles in and we can establish a routine and I don’t want her to have any accidents in the house. Thankfully since Steve is working on the house he can let her out a couple of times during the day and let her out of the crate while he’s eating lunch. He’s going to get some cable at the hardware store today and string it up between two trees in our backyard so we can clip her leash to it and let her out in the yard on her own for short periods of time.

Resolution Diary:
Exercise yesterday: Does crying for 10 hours straight count?
Dinner yesterday: a slice of country French loaf and about 2 oz. of cheese.
Breakfast: coffee w/ milk
Lunch: We’ll see. I have my packet of tuna, ryecrisp and apple from yesterday. I’m holding my shit together right now and if nothing sets me off I’m planning on choling it down. Working with your family can really suck if there’s a family problem going on. Most people can escape their home problems at work, but for me it’s all around.
Snack: I still didn’t eat yesterday’s (really from two days ago) orange, and I may not eat it today either. Perhaps it will petrify on my desk and I can use it as a paperweight.

9:56 a.m. - 2006-01-27


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