tobermory's Diaryland Diary


Linda Trippalicious

All this crap with my mom has been making me think that I should have some medical tests done. Nothing major because I feel fine and I take care of myself, but itís probably in my best interest to have a mammogram, a colonoscopy, and to have my moles mapped. I will turn 37 this year after all. I also have a mole on my face that I think I should have lopped off because it skeeves me out Ė itís not hairy or anything, itís just a little more prominent that Iíd like. I had a couple of moles removed from my lower cheek when I was back in junior high because there was no Cindy Crawford around to make moles OK, and, again, because they skeeved me out. I had practically forgotten all about it until a few years ago when my mom called me, all excited, because it turns out that the plastic surgeon, Dr. Geoffrey Keyes, who did the work went on to much bigger jobs. Like fixing the ugliness that was Linda Tripp (as much as one COULD fix her problem with the ugly) and starting his own clinic in LA. This may explain why he was such a dick. I donít think he spoke one word to me during the whole operation, which considering I was awake (just numbed) was a little disconcerting even for a 12 year-old. This is probably because he considered removing two small moles to be beneath him and he was doing this only as a favor to a fellow doctor who is a family friend of ours. Whatever, but Dr Keyes? Iíd like you to know that I can STILL see the scars, small though they may be, and I hope youíve developed a better bedside manner because I can only imagine the prices that youíre charging for boob jobs and liposuction out there in La-La Land and if youíre going to be charging people out the wazoo (to reduce their wazoos) then you better be nice to them Ė I understand that thereís a surplus of plastic surgeons in California.

Speaking of boob jobs (which I havenít had, and donít need thankyaverymuch Ė Iíve got enough of my own to contain and deal with), Iíve posed the concept to BettyBigHead that perhaps at the Weetapie Con we can go TOGETHER into the photobooth at the Bad Bar. If one set of boobies on some stickers gets you free drinks all night, then Iíd be interested in seeing what two sets of boobies on the same sticker would do for us. Bring on the top-shelf liquor!

Thatís it for today Ė itís my day in the rotation to take my mom for radiation so I have to blow out of here at 2pm. Gotta get that work done.

Resolution Diary:
Exercise yesterday: 1 hr. spin class.
Dinner yesterday: linguini with meatballs, super-excellent bread from Red Hen bakery, 1 glass of red wine, mini Take 5 bar for dessert.
Breakfast: coffee w/ milk, lite yogurt.
Lunch: canít. stand. the. monotony. So I grabbed a carton of Campbellís select creamy portobello soup which Iíll eat with some saltines. I also have a snak-pak of cottage cheese.
Snack: a small banana. I remember last year about this time when I was stupidly (stupid because I am so NOT a morning person and having Miss Perky McSpandexpants yell encouragingly at us all to Go! Go! GO! didnít do anything to help me become a morning person) taking a 5:30am, three-day/week Boot Camp class The only plus side was that Wendy from took it too so I got to meet her. Anyway, the hyper-perky, super-fit instructor, Kacey (isnít that a perfect fitness instructor name?) warned us that bananas are not one per serving Ė nooooooo. Theyíre too big. Why, one banana? It could feed a village. Fuck her. Nature wrapped the banana so that it is a single-serve item. However, it did somehow guilt me into trying to at least find bunches of smaller bananas, so a small banana is what my snack will be.
Dinner: Iím getting good at planning ahead so I know that tonight Iím making sautťed chicken breasts with twice baked potatoes and green beans. I imagine weíll polish off the 2/3 of a bottle of red wine that we started last night, and Iíll have a Take 5 mini for dessert.
Reading: I finished The Ghost Orchid and I started Swimming by Joanna Hershon. Again with the Ďehí Ė I wish I could find some more engrossing books.

10:41 a.m. - 2006-02-10


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