tobermory's Diaryland Diary

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feeling blah

My mom was moved back to the hospital today � she�s having trouble breathing. They had put her on oxygen at the care facility but apparently it wasn�t enough. I�m starting to dread every time my cell phone rings. I�m also starting to have awful thoughts that it might be easier for her if it would just all be over. I know my mom doesn�t like the care facility � it may be a top-notch place with nice rooms and caring staff, but it�s not her home � and she doesn�t like the constant poking and prodding from the doctors. She herself has said she�s not afraid to die and maybe that�s the kindest thing to let her do while she still has a shred of dignity. Her sister is coming in from England next week and it would be nice for them to see each other one more time, but after that � honestly � the faster the better. Why is it that we can euthanize our beloved pets when their quality of life deteriorates but we make people live a diminished existence?

Steve is going in for his gum surgery today and he�s absolutely dreading it. I think today they are doing the right side and then in a month or so they�ll do the left side. Ouch. They won�t even knock him out � he�ll only get juiced up with novocain. Instead of going to the gym tonight like I probably should, I�m going to see if I can visit my mom at the hospital, zip to the polls to vote, and come home to make some jell-o and pudding for Steve. I told him that, in solidarity, I�d go on the soft food/no alcohol diet with him for as long as he needs to be on it � it would just be cruel of me to eat a slice of pizza or grill a burger when he�s limited to mushy foods. Maybe if I�m feeling really nice I�ll bring him a milkshake from the diner near the polling place.

I�m going to see Bizet�s �Carmen� tomorrow afternoon with my dad. Originally we had bought 4 tickets back in the fall so that my mom, dad, Steve and I could all go together � obviously my mom isn�t able to go, and I swear Steve scheduled his gum surgery for today so that he�d have an excuse not to go to the opera (he�s not so much a fan). Because the tickets are very expensive ($165 each) my dad didn�t want to just flush the 2 that we�re not using. We asked some friends, but no-one was able to make a 2pm show. So, we turned them over to a ticket-brokering friend and we actually made a little money on the transaction. They went from our friend to a ticket broker in New York who then sold them to a couple who live in the same small town as my dad � bizarre coincidence. Too bad we don�t know who they are or I�d call them and see if they want to carpool.

Resolution Diary:
Sorry � no weekend update because I can�t remember what I ate over the weekend. I can usually hang onto the information until Monday, but if I don�t get it down right away it slips away. I know I had pizza on Friday night, Shanghai noodles on Saturday night, and grouper on Sunday, but the rest is a little fuzzy � especially what I ate during the day. I don�t think I ate anything particularly �bad� though.
Dinner yesterday: chicken breast, artichoke, rice pilaf, small salad, a small cupcake.
Breakfast: honey Greek yogurt.
Lunch: leftover pasta and a fruit cup
Snack: not necessary
Reading: I started up �The Cliffs of Despair� again and it has actually picked up a bit. I should be finished with it tonight.

1:12 p.m. - 2006-03-21

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