tobermory's Diaryland Diary


Mental Floss

Sorry about the lack of posting, but I think (but really, take Ďthinkí with a grain of salt considering whatís coming next Ė perhaps I should lay off on the thinking stuffÖ..) my odd physical symptom (lightheadedness) from a few weeks ago is probably mental and I need to find myself a good head doctor. Iíve been having massive anxiety attacks about every other day. My heart races and feels like itís going to pop out of my chest, my legs tingle and get slightly numb, I get lightheaded, I feel nauseous and I canít concentrate on anything. Basically it sucks and itís kind of debilitating because one does not want to have any of these symptoms while, say, driving. Iíve been surviving by doling out my small supply of L0razepam that my doc prescribed to help me deal with the stress of my momís death. To psychoanalyze myself, Iím almost sure that what is going on is that I had a couple of dizzy spells due to an inner-ear problem and now I think that Iím going to die because Iím sure I have some undiagnosed fatal illness. I guess this is what happens when you know someone who seems fine and then is dead in 8 weeks. Anyway, now Iím looking for some sort of head doctor and thatís why Iíve been a non-presence Ė itís hard to write coherent sentences when all you can think about is how fast your heart is beating and the unknown disease youíre sure is somewhere in your body eating away at your vital organs. As a side note, if youíre having issues with hypochondria Iíd recommend NOT watching House because every episode features some strange illness that you, yes YOU, could possibly, nay LIKELY, have and it is silently killing you while your non-Hugh Laurie regular physician is blowing you off and rolling her eyes at your Ďsymptoms.í Sometimes I am such a goober. Also, cool it on the WebMD Ė they can make a papercut sound fatal.

On to the (not-so) regularly scheduled update.

I hate to sound like a bad song by America, but the heat? The heat is hot. Doo doo doo doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. Itís been hovering around 100 degrees for a few days now and it looks like temperature relief wonít be here until Wednesday. Iíve never been so happy to see temperatures in the 80ís Ė itís going to feel as if autumn is here. Having no air conditioning in the house is really starting to suck (central AC is planned for the upstairs). We do have one window unit, but installing it basically means that to take advantage of the cool we would have to hole up in our bedroom which isnít much bigger than the double bed we have in there. Yes, I do sleep with my husband and two cats in a double bed Ė a queen wouldnít fit in the dinky room so weíre holding off on buying one until the upstairs remodel is finished. It ranks number one on the list of things Iím looking forward to* about moving upstairs. Anyway, the reason we havenít put in the window unit is because it really does cool off enough at night with the window and ceiling fans going that it seems silly to put in the air conditioner in the bedroom. Since Steve and I are the last people in America to not have a tv in our bedroom if I spent any non-sleep time there Iíd basically be staring at the walls or trying to plod through the simply awful Steven King book Iím reading right now (at the recent benefit auction we went to I bid on and won two pre-publication galleys Ė the one I wanted was the forthcoming Bill Bryson book, but for some unknown reason I started the other galley, Steven Kingís Liseyís Story, and boy is it a stinkeroo. Why do I feel compelled to waste my time on it? Some things I just cannot answer, but I suspect that reading 250 pages waiting for something (ANYTHING) to happen dooms me to reading the last 250 pages). So basically I spend my time looking for excuses to go to places that are air conditioned like Target and Costco and the movies Ė I was at Target twice yesterday and the only things I bought were 4 tubs of cat litter and a pack of AA batteries. While I have the luxury of escaping the house/inferno, the dog and cats are on their own. They have found that the coolest place in the house is in the hallway and consequently that space usually looks like some sort of triage center for the four-footed as they loll about in various states of heat exhaustion: Wendy lays on her back and looks like a fat dead bug, Toby stretches out on one side to his full length and shoots accusatory looks at whomever steps over him, and the dog lays with her front and back legs sticking out in opposite directions in the Superman pose to take full advantage of as much of the cool floor space against her fur as possible. I will say that they seem to have overcome their mild distaste for each other in order to share the cool(ish) space. Who knows? In the winter I may come home one day to find them all sleeping in a huge pile to stay warm.

* List of Things Iím Looking Forward to When I get to Move Upstairs:
1. New, bigger bed.
2. New flooring without gaping chasms between each board that fill with cat litter necessitating excessive and very careful vacuuming.
3. FINALLY getting to use all the wedding gifts that we received back in 2002 and also having access to all my stuff which has been packed away since 2002 as well.
4. Having a party Ė a BIG party.
5. Hiring Ďpeopleí to come every other week to clean. Yes, I am a bourgeois yuppy DINK and damn proud of it.
6. 2 bathrooms = 2 toilets, which = never having to yell, ďhoney Ė itís an emergency Ė get out of there NOW!Ē
7. Air conditioning.
8. Getting to buy a new, never been peed upon, couch. Thatís by the cat you perv Ė I havenít peed on a couch since I was about 1.

Iím sure there are more, but thatís all I can think of for now.

11:06 a.m. - 2006-07-31


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