tobermory's Diaryland Diary



I would make the shittiest drug addict, or conversely, maybe Iíd make a great drug addict because it takes so little to get me jaked. Yesterday was, in a word, a bad day (today seems to be going much, much better Ė in case youíre wondering). I started to have some anxiety issues in the morning (because, you know, that pain in my right shoulder? It must be the cancer.) and to stave off a full blown panic attack I took a .5mg Lorazepam. About 3 hours later it didnít seem to have done much to calm me down so I popped another and whoo-ee did I ever get loopy. I managed to somehow drive home (although truthfully I donít really remember much about the drive) and go to dinner with Allison where I had an ill advised beer (I think I bent her ear about my mental state and she sympathized Ė thankfully she drove) and then I came home and basically passed out on the couch watching tivo-ed reruns of Without a Trace. Steve had a late-night soccer game and wasnít home when I woke up on the couch extremely disoriented at 11:40. Iím not normally one to look forward to doctor appointments but I canít wait for my two next week. I am tired of feeling not normal Ė all bunchy feeling and twitchy when I donít take the drugs and zonked out when I do. At least I manage to look/sound like I have my shit together which I think may be one of the problems. Iíd probably get my doctorís attention a little more if I has some sort of psychotic episode in her office, but I think the kind of attention Iíd get would be more like the two guys in white coats and straightjacket kind than the, ďoh honey, I agree Ė letís do a chest x-ray, a stress test, and a full body scanĒ kind.

In other news, much to Steveís delight, I got a jury duty summons. Since Iíve known him heís been called three times to my zero times. I guess I was due. Bleh. Iím only standby and itís at the Daley Center as opposed to the scary south side 26th & California location, so I guess itís not too bad. However, this might be the push/excuse I need to buy a video iPod. The last time I had jury duty (about 12 years ago) there were two choices while you waited to see if you were called to a panel Ė the quiet side of the waiting room for readers and the tv side where the tv was tuned to Oprah and then the Springer show. No thanks. I love reading, but if you donít get picked for a jury panel youíre likely stuck in that room for about 7 hours and thereís only so much reading I can do before my eyes go all buggy. Iím not sure if squinting at the teeny video iPod screen would be much better, but at least it would be different. Plus I have a $50 Apple store gift certificate from the class action settlement about the lousy batteries in the first generation iPods and itís burning a hole in my pocket. In reading the juror instructions, Iím a little concerned that they mention that I should have change available for the vending machines. This says to me that we do not get excused for lunch. I suppose that if they did that the vast majority of the jury pool just wouldnít return so they have to keep us corralled. Thereís also a notation about how if I have special dietary restrictions I can contact Jury Administration Ė I wonder what would happen if I told them I kept Kosher. Would they provide me with a limp Hebrew National (slogan: We answer to a higher power) hot dog? It might be worth trying but I think when I show up in all my blonde waspy glory they might get suspicious and start quizzing me on the Torah. I just donít remember enough from watching the Magic Door as a child to pull me through a pop quiz on Judaism 101.

Thatís it for today Ė Iím going to make a valiant attempt to go to the gym today and log my time on the elliptical trainer. I have to remember to try to show up on the hour so I can watch a rerun of Law and Order from the beginning because all the songs on my iPod bore me and Iím too lazy to import new ones.

2:27 p.m. - 2006-10-05


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