tobermory's Diaryland Diary

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Double Barrelled Breathing

I expelled an alien baby through my left nostril on Sunday morning and that apparently was the crux of my sinus problems and now that it is no longer in residence I am able to breathe freely. It was the most disgusting thing to have ever come out of my nose in all of my life. Shut up – you’d have looked in the Kleenex too. It was so amazing I showed Steve – much to his dismay. He may never touch me again, but the look of abject horror on his face was worth it. The idea that I, his petite little flower, had created that quantity of fluorescent goo clearly made him rethink not only the petite flower concept, but perhaps the whole institution of marriage – I don’t think he knew he was signing on to looking in my used Kleenexes.

The Nordstrom Spring Make-up Bonanza (really the Spring Trend Show) was a blast – probably the closest I’ll ever get to a real runway fashion show. All the major make-up companies had fabulously beautiful models made up with the new colors for spring and everyone in the audience got a pretty aqua-blue case chock-full of samples and coupons. The breakfast the served was very ‘eh’ though. For the skin care event we each got a very nice piece of an egg strata and a fruit cup along with fresh squeezed orange juice and coffee. For this we got a bag breakfast with a small lemon tartlet, a bottle of water and – I’m not kidding or exaggerating for effect– six grapes. Six. This is not breakfast – it’s a snack, and a lame one at that. I guess that’s the difference between an event with 50 people at it and an event with 300 people at it. After the show Alli and I shopped to kill the time before our make-up appointments and I bought a red DKNY shrug from the clearance rack because, you know, Lorelai Gilmore wears shrugs over all her cute little dresses. I’m obsessed and I admit it. Anyway – the make-up appointment? Not so much this time. I still love Trish McEvoy and her fantastic, portable planner concept but my designated make-up artist Tracey used just a wee bit too much product on me. I know she probably just wanted to show me the full potential of the limited edition page o’colors I was buying, but I looked like I was ready for the casket. And the glare coming off my face from all the products with shimmer was nearly blinding. Tracey stopped just short of making me completely orange and tanfastic, but I should have known I was in trouble when I looked at Tracey’s face. Now, she was a very pretty girl and probably would have been even without the spackled on make-up. I had a super-close up of her when she was putting on my colors and it was kinda scary. There was not a single iota of real skin exposed on her face - it was all completely coated with expertly applied but very thick make-up. For all I know under the layers she could have had either a perfect porcelain peaches and cream complexion or she could have had acne ravaged, huge-pored skin. Oh well – to each their own. I went home and washed off everything and reapplied in a much lower dose and it looked fab.

I did finally get to see some movies this weekend – Steve and I went to Sideways and I even dragged him to see the Bollywood musical comedy, Bride and Prejudice. We saw Sideways at the historic art deco Pickwick theatre in Park Ridge and it should have been a completely enjoyable experience except for one thing. In the row behind Steve and I was a blind woman and her mother. I have a friend whose father is blind so I am aware that blind people enjoy going to the movies. But this was handled so poorly and the people were so inconsiderate. For starters, the blind woman had some sort of obsession with what time it was and kept pressing her very loud talking watch. Then – and I can understand this – during parts of the movie where there was no talking (and unfortunately there were MANY scenes like this) the blind woman would ask her mother, “what’s happening now?” And her mother would say something like, “he’s in the car driving through a vineyard.” Which would prompt the daughter to say, “who? Miles or Jack?” I wanted to throttle the mother for never picking up on this and starting her descriptions with, “Miles is blah, blah, blah.” And every time after the mother finished the description the daughter would loudly say, “oh.” This wouldn’t have been so bad, but they were using their regular speaking voices and it was fairly loud and distracting and the constant talking watch thing was making me grind my teeth into tiny little nubs. But what can you do? I suppose I could have left and asked for my money back but I really wanted to see the movie. I wonder if they know that there are theatres out there that have descriptive audio tracks available just for blind people – maybe I should have clued them in. I always seem to take a seat in front of talkers. Steve says in his pre-married life this never happened to him, so maybe I carry some sort of curse with me. Even the next night when we saw Bride and Prejudice the couple behind us were talkers. Gah. The one funny thing is that there were a number of R-Rated things in Sideways that the mother completely glossed over when giving her descriptions to her daughter, which would completely suck. It would be like seeing a movie edited by the religious right or the easily embarrassed.

That’s all for now – I’m going to go enjoy breathing through both nostrils.

10:01 a.m. - 2005-03-14

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